A memorial space

http://gillian.owen.muchloved.com/frame.aspx?

Somewhere you can remember Gill without going to her grave in Charlbury.

Well, you can remember her anytime anywhere.

But you can light virtual candles and send in your stories and pictures here

Another review

A deeply moving true story which describes Nick's thoughts and feelings as he copes with the grief of losing his wife Gill suddenly. You can not fail to be touched by some of the beautiful poems or to relate to some of his feelings whether you are grieving or not. Very touching, raw and personal. Definitely worth a read.


Terasa Beech

A Journey Through Grief accepted by The Poetry Library on the London South Bank

I am delighted to report  that "A Journey Through Grief" has been accepted by the publications committee to be included in the National Poetry Library on the South Bank in London.

The poetry library is situated on the fifth floor of the Festival Hall.

The library no longer accepts all donations of poetry books offered to them, so I have a sense of formal recognition for my work.

With typical artistic insecurity about my own value, I am unsure if this is partly because Chipmunka, my publisher,  has been accepted as a publisher there.

From the fore word to the book

Foreword

Every once in a while someone with a gift happens to cross our path. We think we’re lucky that they make us smile and laugh. We may even recognize how much we learn about ourselves when they trippingly cause us to recognize our simple and very human lacks.

Nick Owen had the chance to experience that kind of love with another human being which brings joy with the day and some quality of peace even to our restless, life-boggled nights. In the company of his beloved, Nick recognized the effervescent preciousness of reality which is…and which we all long to experience in life.

Then she was gone.

Every once in a while someone with a gift happens to cross our path. And maybe…just maybe we recognize an even fuller breadth of fortune, when the loss of their company brings us to reflect in an emotional mirror which now seems forever cracked.

So much about human life is chance. We hope to live with luck, love and passion without wanting to recognize how much rationality love teaches and how that expansion of our personal universe will remain forever with us even if there comes a day when our beloved is no longer there to touch, to gaze upon, to reach out towards on the mortal plain.

Yet, through the enduring sense of who we have become, because we loved and were loved, we become more solidified and assured. And because of that infinite endowment, when beauty happens upon us we are more gratefully gratified and fully aware…of that beauty, and of our capacity for ever-deeper yearning.

Nick Owen’s ‘Journey through Grief’ is one man’s rumination and photographic capturing of a life which in its ‘un-becoming’ has become something far greater than he wanted to imagine he could see. Through poetic words, through admitting how much it hurts to lose someone we love clearly and dearly, Nick endows each turn of nature’s branch, each flood of air stirring a long-unnoticed parlour curtain with the awareness of potential, chance, presence, passage and precious opportunity.

‘Journey through Grief’ isn’t a sad book - it’s an honest one. It’s a gift which in your hands is taken into your heart for however long you carry it’s blessings with you. It’s a reminder that our very humanity and personal vulnerabilities are often the keys to all we seek, all we may yet know, and that we treasure most dearly.

- Boots Hart

Los Angeles, California

                               

                                       

    

                                                         Preface           

This book id dedicated to those who grieve, and to Gillian Allison Owen, who loved me and left me to grieve for her.

Poetry brought us together, and it is fitting that I begin this journey with a reference to her favourite poet, Shelley. I have slightly adapted these lines fro Adonais to fit with a woman’s death, rather than a man’s. Please excuse my poetic licence.

            Peace, Peace! She is not dead, she doth not sleep-

            She has awakened from this dream of life-

            “Tis we, who lost in stormy visions, keep

            With phantoms an unprofitable strife

            And in mad trance, strike with our spirit’s knife

            Invulnerable things. _We decay

            Like corpses in a charnel: fear and grief

            Convulse us and consume us day by day,

    And cold hopes swarm like worms within our living clay    

            She has outsoared the shadow of our night;

            Envy and calumny and hate and pain,

            And that unrest, which men miscall delight,

            Can touch her not and torture not again;

            From the contagion of the world’s slow stain

            She is secure, and now can never mourn

            A heart grown cold, a head grown gray in vain;

            Nor, when the spirit’s self has ceased to burn,

     With sparkless ashes load an unlamented urn.

   

Some feedback from writers poets and critics on the book

Quotes and comments from people who have had a preview of the book.


"I am a great believer in the public and collective potential of poetry, but I also think that a certain kind of poetry does resemble the ancient practice of a lone individual talking directly with God or the sacred," Alex Niven, editor of the Oxonian Review.


"I would be happy to support this book. It is very poignant and can help others." Jason Pegler, publisher, and author of "A can of Madness"

"Thank you for sending your poems though, which I've read. 

As they stand, I think they would make a lovely personal memorial for your wife" Kate Clanchy. 

(This one does not sit well at all with me! I publish it for the sake of balance. I just find it patronizing and insensitive.)






"I was honoured to conduct the funeral of the extraordinary woman at the centre of this book. Nick's book is intensely intimate: it takes the reader over wild seas of self-reflection, provoking learning all the way. Well worth reading." Emma Restell Orr, writer and druid.

An extraordinary woman at the centre of this book

"I was honoured to conduct the funeral of the extraordinary woman at the centre of this book. Nick's book is intensely intimate: it takes the reader over wild seas of self-reflection, provoking learning all the way. Well worth reading." Emma Restell Orr, writer and druid.


Good to have a new review of the book, however brief.

Third anniversary, memories, meditations and reflections.

I made a mandala from rose petals taken from flowers at the grave. Looks good enlarged.

The roses to the left of the grave have come into bloom, but the white maids of honour have yet to show themselves. Hawk, pig and frog stand guard as ever by the headstone.


Only a couple of weeks till the book launch now. I am getting really excited.

Updated Event details

Death and Dying: Doing it Better

Beyond the world and death

We find redeeming beauty

Through the eyes of love

Nick Owen’s new book, “A Journey through Grief” tells his own very personal story of working through bereavement with the help of poetry, prose and pictures.

Now he is helping others through the process of death, dying and bereavement.

At this meeting, Nick will explore the use of our creativity in facing one of the greatest challenges life brings us, the death of our most beloved, and our own death.

Exploring this with Nick will be:

                  Eve Richardson, Chief Executive of “Dying Matters”

“Dying Matters” is a national organisation set up in 2009, the year Nick’s wife Gill died, to help us all with issues of death and dying.

The event to launch Nick Owen’s book will be held at:

            

The Albion Beatnik Bookstore, Walton Street, Oxford.

                            

17^th July 2012,   8pm

Signed copies will be available from the author after the meeting at £10 each.

You can also order a copy via www.nickowenphotography.co.uk

Book Launch News Update

Eve Richardson, Chief Executive of the National Charity "Dying Matters" will lead the discussion of "Death and Dying, Doing It Better," at my book launch on 17th July.

http://www.dyingmatters.org/page/team

I haven't met her yet but I am told she is quite a character, and quite an attraction.

That makes two of us then.

Perhaps I should mention I was once Director of The Oxford School of Psychotherapy and Counselling,

and External Relations Rep for the HIPS section of the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy.

I will introduce my book and share a few poems, then Eve will talk about the work of Dying Matters.

She will then interview me about Gill and I.

We can then explore the issues raised with the audience for half an hour or so if people want to do so.

I shall sign books at the end if anyone wants to buy one.

Here is a picture of me reading a poem at the grave on the third anniversary of Gill's death.

Suddenly now the world is a better place for me.

On the third anniversary of Gill's death

I went to the grave today with flowers.

I am sharing this video I made at the grave
http://youtu.be/QVVPnXVkFU8

Betwixt and between

Caleb, Holly, Rosie, Sophie and Joel

It is a time of anniversaries,

not marriages, but deaths.

Holly's mother died eleven ago yesterday

and Gill died three years ago tomorrow.

Rosie and her mother are not talking to each other.

I try to tell them it is a bad idea, but they don't listen.

Rosie feels as if she doesn't have a home any more.

I am working with "Dying Matters" to sort out the discussion for my book launch next month.

I just watched their film about discussing death before it happens

Very moving

http://www.dyingmatters.org/page/dying-know-screened-packed-house-cannes

In the film the dying woman is going home to her dead husband.

Gill comes home to see me in my dreams sometimes.

But where do you go home to when you are like Henry the eighth? (as Holly used to call me.)

It was a terrible day yesterday.

Sophie the dog could hardly get up, and had to be rushed to the emergency vet.

Gabrielle was in so much pain with her arm that she needed to go to hospital too, later on.

I stayed very calm and helped us all through the distress.

I always was good in a crisis. It was very weird, Gabrielle having the same intense pain in her left arm that

Gill had when she went into hospital.

Luckily, Gabrielle is already much better, and Sophie is much more her usual self.

I spent time with both my daughters last week; helped Holly move her belongings to London, where she will

start a new job in September.

Helped Rosie make a film at college.

I am utterly delighted with things going so well for my girls.

I am bereft of the boys still. I haven't spoken to Caleb since his birthday.

I have only been in touch with Joel via Facebook.

I have put the children all together in a picture to share with you all here. It pleases me.

Maybe the children will visit.

Who knows?

A date for the diary and more

We have set a date for the book launch; 17 July at the Albion Beatnik Bookstore, Walton Street, Oxford.

I include here a dialogue with Lucie, from the store, who is helping me with the creation and management of the event.

I feel very positive about launching the book from the bookstore.

It has a very convivial feel to it.

Rare these days

I have now confirmed that Sam Turner (Director of public engagement) is the person to deal with from Dying Matters 

She is on leave till 11 June

Lucie: That's fine, as I said, I shall be on my email most of my holiday, so you can email me when she replies to you.

 

She was very interested in my work when I spoke with her.

Just a bit problematic having to wait till you are on holiday for a reply from her.

I attach a pdf which has very small but perfectly formed versions of the pictures in colour.

I have  many contacts to talk to from psychology, therapy, poetry and art.

Lucie: It would be great if you could contact them and ask them either to participate on the programme or just to come to the event and join the discussion or even just to 'make the crowd'.

You should start thinking about the programme and once you have a rough idea, contact the relevant people who can contribute.

I would suggest three main 'segments':

1) an introduction to death as part of our lives - this bit could be done by one of you contacts (Sam Turner?) and can open the evening. I am sure that those people will know how to deal with it. This will naturally lead to the following bit.

2) talk about the main aim of your book, the message for other people, about your wife or maybe your current life after she's gone (? just an idea). It can be finished with short reading from your book.

3) the last part could be moderated by another person from your contacts, some artist, therapist (?), who can start the discussion - maybe first as a dialogue with you (having 2 or 3 questions prepared and you having your answers prepared at least partly) and then with the audience. This depends on the audience and the atmosphere, they might or might not be warm enough, so best would be if you have more questions and answers prepared in advance in case it didn't work well.

The first two parts shouldn't be longer than 10-15 minutes, the shorter you prepare it the better, as we can save more time for discussion and questions from the audience.

Also it's better to say at the beginning that questions should be left for the discussion, otherwise it can lead to a chaotic interruptions of your talk which you might not be able to handle to meet the timing. It's up to you.

That's all from me for now. Think about it and keep in touch.

If anyone wants to comment on the blog, please feel welcome to do so .

 

Joining "Dying Matters"

<a href="http://www.dyingmatters.org/" _mce_href="http://www.dyingmatters.org/" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.dyingmatters.org/images/DyingMatters468x60.jpg" _mce_src="http://www.dyingmatters.org/images/DyingMatters468x60.jpg" border="0" alt="Visit the Dying Matters website" /></a>

This looks like a great organisation for all of us who are concerned with death, dying, and bereavement.

I will add more information as I learn more about who they are and what they really do.

A warm welcome to my weblog

Thank you for stopping by.

It is time to start writing again. I have finally published my book, "A Journey Through Grief", which you can buy for £10 = £2 postage and packing from my website

www.nickowenphotography.co.uk.

This blog is about the next steps. It will be three years since Gill's death on June 12th 2012.

I am organising the book launch. Sometimes I have thought that I would never be ready to move on. Whenever I spoke about the dying or the death so much emotion welled up that I became lost in it.

It isn't that all the feelings have gone. It is only that I am no longer consumed with the grief of that time.

At last I can get on with the rest of my life.

I have thought for a long time that I would one day make a significant contribution to the field of death and dying.

 I worked for the Oxfordshire Befriending Network supervising their counsellor group for a while.
Just when I was really engaged with the process the organisation lost its funding, and Gill died.

Now it is time to make a go of it at the second attempt, starting with the launch of the book.

I am meeting with people at the Oxford Albion Beatnik Book shop tomorrow. I hope to be able to announce a book launch date very soon.

That process begins with a curious question, which I was asked by Luce at the book shop;

"Have you forgiven Gill yet."

I have never thought that I needed to forgive Gill.

Yet her decision to go on drinking when she was likely to die fairly soon if she did not stop, leaving behind two sons and a devoted husband might lead many to think that there was a lot to forgive.

Some of the answers to this question are in my book.

But I shall ponder on it and comment again here.

Meanwhile I will talk to the Dying matters people about sharing the launch pad with me.


 http://www.dyingmatters.org/ 

Gill and I at our wedding, affirming life. Now she affirms my work around death and dying.